Designing your Relationship

Filed in Relationships by on June 26, 2013 0 Comments

Begin preparing today for your future relationship

For several years now, we have heard in society, (especially within our culture) that good men are hard to find. Statistically, the ratio of black men who are either incarcerated or unemployed is definitely higher than some of our counterparts. Some findings are that 1 in 3 black men will be incarcerated in prison within their lifetime. In January 2013, the unemployment rate for blacks was 13.8% as opposed to whites which was 7.0%.

I bring to light those facts to say it is what it is. It’s not going to change overnight. We can’t get caught up in those statistics, as we are not a statistic. We are people who control our future, if we choose to use the knowledge we have. We can’t be overwhelmed by wanting what we see someone else have or feeling like we are missing out on something in our life. Women especially can get impatient with what they feel their relationship status should be.

Being the best at who you are makes you available to the man who is preparing himself for you. Right now, you don’t know it—you can’t see it—but God is preparing someone for you who is right for you. He will cross your path at the right time, with the right heart and right intentions for you.

The challenge for you is not to consider that a good man is hard to find.

The challenge for a single woman with a relationship destination in mind is to make sure she is the best woman she can be when her man comes along. You can have a great job making a lot of money doing your thing in whatever city you live in. My perspective is being the best you can be is more than that.

Designing Your Relationship, couple riding bikesPreparation

How do you prepare for destiny? There are lots of things you can do to prepare for that special someone, even when you don’t know who they are or anything about them yet.

For a moment, imagine what you want in your relationship. Create your vision what a typical day might be together. Do you want to cook for him? Do you want to plant flowers in your yard? Do you want to ride bikes together? Would you like to go out and dance together?

If these things sound like they might be something of interest to you, try taking a cooking class. Learn about planting flowers and all things botanical. Look into a cycling club. Take a salsa class. By the way, this doesn’t only apply to women…fellas, if you are waiting on the lady of your life, take notes. Prepare…vigorously!


You aren’t going to meet anyone sitting at home. Many people don’t like the club scene or places we might consider “hookup” spots. That’s fine but you also want to get out of the house to get to know new people. You are only going to marry one person, but the plethora of friends and acquaintances you will make along the way are invaluable as well.

The great thing about getting outside of your comfort zone and doing things you envision you would love to do (like a cooking class) is also a great way of meeting new people. You never know, you might meet your destiny at a class, social event or some type of setting you would have never expected to meet anyone. Get out, let your hair down, meet some cool people and you may meet the person you have been dreaming about.


While you are preparing yourself and becoming available, remember ultimately this is done with a purpose. That doesn’t mean you are scheming to get some wealthy husband with a six-figure income and a Ferrari. What purpose means is that you are well aware of what you want out of your situation and you won’t accept anything less.

If you are talking to someone who makes it crystal clear at the beginning of the relationship they don’t want to get married, the most important thing you can do is believe them! If you want to get married, appreciate the time spent, keep them as a friend if you choose, but keep it moving. They are not part of your plan and ultimately your purpose. I talk to many single women who get caught up in situations where they want to get married and they think their man will come around or change his mind. Eventually I suppose they think the relationship may just “evolve” into marriage. It won’t happen. If you’re waiting on someone because you believe they will come around, you’re wasting time.

I’ll talk about this more in future articles, but it’s important to design your life. If you have a purpose in mind, drive toward the purpose. You are writing the novel of your life. You control the masterpiece.

If you want something, work within your purpose, toward the destination. When you live out your purpose and you don’t settle for less than what you want to accomplish and who you want to accomplish it with, you will reach your destination with someone special and realize your vision!

Expect your vision to be fulfilled and along the way, enjoy living out your purpose…together.

Jay Hurt © 2013


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