How Can You Claim to Love Someone When You Have an Exit Strategy?

Filed in Uncategorized by on April 1, 2014 0 Comments

I was speaking with a good friend a few days ago about relationships, and she gave me this topic as we were discussing how people come to relationships with options to leave.  There are some essential factors to a marriage that must alleviateAngry Couple the exit strategy.  Marriage is a life-long, binding agreement that requires full engagement and buy-in until death do you part.  Nothing else is optional.  Let’s discuss some requirements to make your marriage fulfill its terms of agreement.

Covenant

Covenant- n. A solemn agreement between the members of a church to act together in harmony with the precepts of the gospel.  v. To enter into covenant.  To promise by covenant; pledge.

Marriage is a covenant between God, you and your spouse—in that order.  You make a promise to God that you are going to love, cherish, honor and respect his child in a covenant relationship.  When times get tough, you must remember you made a promise to God that you were going to stick it out.  You have to honor the covenant relationship in your marriage above ALL else.  I can guarantee there will be problems.  In-laws, money, intercourse, careers, temptation and much more.  Some or all of that and more will intervene in your relationship.  You have to keep your eye on the covenant you agreed to.  My fiancée and I discussed the fact that covenant and a contract are different.  Semantically, they are the same, but the difference is God.  There is no exit strategy or option in His will and purpose.  Are there extreme cases where the relationship would have to end?  Yes.  In those extreme cases, one mate has already taken God out of the relationship, so the other would have to leave for their own security and safety.  As long as you keep God first in the relationship, the covenant cannot and will not be broken.

Commitment

When you enter into a marriage, day one, you must have a mindset that there are no other options.  I have been guilty of thinking “there are some things I just won’t put up with.”  One of my friends put this into perspective for me.  She said, “The devil heard you.”  In spiritual terms, I get it (he’s listening—looking for an opportunity to step in), but to take it to another level, in what my frame of mind looks like, I understand even more!  If I’m saying what I will and will not tolerate, you can go to the bank on the fact I’m going to eventually have to deal with what I said I wouldn’t tolerate.  What I had to study diligently and what I want you to remember is commitment has no “levels.”  Commitment simply is.  When you say I do, you are now all-in, no matter what!  Your commitment to God and your mate is etched in stone and written in your heart—there is no longer any other option.

My favorite song right now is Real Love by Inspired People, featuring Charles Jenkins.  The lyrics read, “Love is not arrogant, it doesn’t keep record of wrongs, Love is not dismissive, it puts up with anything…”  When you’re in a marriage, take those lyrics and replace the word love with commitment.  Remind yourself you must honor your commitment.

closeup of a marriage prenuptial agreementPlan for Success

I’m planning for success in my relationship.  We’re not signing a pre-nuptial agreement.  We’re in this together forever.  We’re putting in the work together to prepare for a great relationship.  We still have disagreements and we aren’t on the same page all of the time.  One thing I heard my fiancee say recently was that she told my daughter, “I’m not going anywhere.”  When you prepare for your marriages, begin with that mindset.  “I’m not going anywhere, we just gotta work it out (whatever it is).”

Planning for success is more than saying it’s going to work.  Go to pre-marital counseling.  Go to counseling once you are married and work through some of the kinks.  It’s amazing what a third party with your best interests at heart can help you with in you marriage.  When you both agree that leaving is off the table, the only other option is working together in harmony to make this a lasting union.

Someone said in a counseling session recently that she and her husband were going to be in a box.  They could love others and interact with others, but there is a “box” they are in together and they aren’t coming out of it–ever.  Find your box, get in your box and love each other—and remove an exit strategy as an option.

 

Jay Hurt © 2014

 

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About the Author ()

Jay Hurt is the author of The 9 Tenets of a Successful Relationship-for Singles. Personal experience, a liberation through faith and an appreciation for his perspective led Jay to share his insight on relationships. Dealing with challenging topics by confronting them with faith and common sense, Jay aspires to share wisdom to help others become fulfilled and blessed in their relationships. Jay lives in Nashville, TN and has two daughters, Kristina and Jalen.

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