How to Keep the Intimacy Going

Filed in Uncategorized by on April 11, 2014 0 Comments

young african american couple flirtingI was listening to a podcast recently and I was listening to women discussing what they want from a man to please them and get them in the mood.  I want to expound on what I heard in the podcast and give some insight as to what men can offer to keep the intimacy going.*  I think intimacy in a marriage is crucial to having a healthy, happy, marriage and it has to be at the top of married couples’ “to do list” quite often.

I want you–right now!

Five words every man would love to hear from his wife.  Often in marriage, we feel like we don’t hear those words often enough, from either spouse.  We have to remember to do certain things to keep the intimacy going:

  • Cater to your mate’s love language
  • Think about and act on what you can do to make their lives a bit easier
  • Start when you wake up

The first two bullets are self-explanatory.  I want to spend a moment on starting when you wake up.  If you are a man, or you want your husband to make you insatiable, he must learn to start the fire when he wakes up.  Whatever that means, if it’s praying with you and for you, if it’s getting the kids ready for school when you normally do, or maybe cooking breakfast before you wake up—whatever that thing is that you will appreciate, he needs to start the day off with something.  It doesn’t even necessarily have to be life-altering, it could be charging your phone because it died overnight and he’s knows you have a conference call first thing in the morning.  Little things go a long way toward getting her juices flowing.  Pay attention to detail all day, every day, and you may be surprised by how much attention she pays attention to later that evening.


Your wife has to be your first priority in everything you do.  During the podcast, I heard these ladies discussing how their men put other things in front of them, but then when he was ready to “make her a priority” she conveniently had other priorities.  These women touched on what many women face often—a husband may put many things before his wife, because he expects her to be there—and be down for whatever when he comes home.  It’s not that simple.  We talk about many things where we get disconnected in relationships, like communication and intimacy, but I think putting women first is something that comes up in so many conversations that I have with women.  She has to be #1 in your life.  Think of her when you are out-call her and see what she needs.  It fine to spend time with your boys, but prioritize your woman and let her know what’s going on, so you can coordinate your schedules.  The overwhelming response I get from women is that if her mate will make her a priority, she will always prioritize him over all else.

It’s a Marathon, not a Sprint

In the first subtitle, we discussed taking all day to make your woman appreciate your attention to detail around her life.  It’s also important to take “all night” to pay attention to the same detail.  It’s not really a secret that it’s takes a lot longer to arouse a woman than a man.  That said, there’s definitely a time and place for a quickie…or two.  If you really want your woman to respond, that same attention to detail you spent all day, use that same attention during the evening.  Take the kids to a sitter or relative.  Break out the chocolate and massage oil.  Do some research on trying new things that stimulate a woman before you really stimulate your woman!   Intercourse is more about stimulation (of the mind and body) than penetration.  Hence the marathon and not the sprint.  I understand that guys are wired differently.  The “Great Compromise” is that we work to satisfy one another’s needs.  This is why the occasional quickie is just important, for male spontaneity and stimulation as slowly lighting the woman’s pilot light for the sensual seduction she deserves as well.  If you want real intimacy, put your partner’s needs before yours and you will always please each other.

The reality is intimacy and sex should be high on your list of ways to please each other in a marriage.  Talk about it.  Listen to your partner’s needs.  Act on those needs.  Do things he or she might not expect.  Keep them first in your life.  Be considerate, take your time and make bedtime something you both look forward to!


Jay Hurt © 2014

*I talk to lots of singles and I should clarify that I’m not condoning pre-marital sex.  I think sex in a healthy marriage is important and it’s something people that want to or plan to be married need to think about and discuss in their relationships.

Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

About the Author ()

Jay Hurt is the author of The 9 Tenets of a Successful Relationship-for Singles. Personal experience, a liberation through faith and an appreciation for his perspective led Jay to share his insight on relationships. Dealing with challenging topics by confronting them with faith and common sense, Jay aspires to share wisdom to help others become fulfilled and blessed in their relationships. Jay lives in Nashville, TN and has two daughters, Kristina and Jalen.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *