Lack of Options? More of a Lack of Patience…

Filed in Relationships by on March 5, 2011 0 Comments

It’s still so amazing, just how good God is to us. He put this book in my heart, opened the windows of Heaven to pour out his goodness, now I have book reviews flowing in, Radio and TV stations inquiring for interviews and a recent article which is upcoming soon in an online magazine. Again, I want to Praise His name now and make it clear that on days when nothing seems to go right and things just don’t fall into place, I Praise Him on those days also. I value my relationship with Him as the ultimate successful relationship.

In the article I recently wrote for the magazine, I was asked to add some things which are relevant, that I don’t address in the book. A topic that quickly came to mind the fact that our culture, the African-American culture has this disconnect between the genders when it comes to relationships. I want to expound more on those issues.

Women are led to believe “a good man is hard to find.” There are articles out about how difficult is it to find a man who is not living at home, is gainfully employed and doesn’t have “baby mama” drama. I will be the first to confess, we as men over the past generation have fallen short of the expecatations our grandparents and great-grandparents had for us. I fall in that category as well. I have never been married and I have 2 children. At least I’m blessed to be applying my knowledge at this point in my life, so I have grown to become a man who lives in Christ and Christ lives in me. I’m still not perfect, but I strive to follow His example. That digression of thought leads me to say, there are lots of other African-American men like me. You can’t find most of those guys in the club, necessarily. You have to look for companionship while doing things that gravitate toward the lifestyle you want to be a part of. If you want to go to Lil Wayne and Nicki Minaj concerts looking for a man, that’s fine. I’m a Recording Industry major, nothing wrong with that. Make sure he has diverse tastes and there’s more to his life than imitating the art of hip-hop. What is he doing now? What does this person aspire to do in two years? Singles groups aren’t necessarily a great way to find a partner either, but what they really show is that you are able to exist without the dependency of a man. Joining workout clubs, book clubs and other places that interest you are places to find men who enjoy things you enjoy.

Never settle for a man you really don’t want to be with. Being happy and alone is better than being with someone and not happy. You deserve a great relationship and if you take the time to realize you can and will have one by patience, perserverance and prayer, everything will work itself out.

Guys, we have to have the attitude that we want a woman that makes us happy. What you think of her sexually should be the least of your worries. That sounds crazy, I know, but if a woman fulfils your mind with great conversation, fulfills your heart with a willingness to serve you in love and fulfills your spirit with a shared faith in Christ, the other things will come naturally. Don’t get me wrong, EVERY relationship requires work. What I’m saying is, find the person you really want to work toward something with. Something does not mean cohabitation. Something means a life together in covenant. If you’re scared of commitment, don’t go there, but don’t sleep with multiple women, and take a part of them and destroy a part of yourself with each encounter. It sounds like I’m not a fan of sex or something like that. Read my book…you will find it’s the exact opposite. My point is, like any other thing in life, everything has its time and place. Find a woman you want to spend your life with, take the necessary steps to make it official and then you can explore the intimate things with your wife. Until you get to that point, concentrate on the things which prepare you for your wife. Learn to understand women (Lol…I know that’s a tough one). Learn to communicate clearly. Develop your faith. Cultivate your career.

Contrary to popular opinion, there are plenty of good men out there. As a matter of fact, one is writing this blog right now. :) Guys, let’s develop ourselves to become great men for these great women out here who are preparing for loving, meaningful, lifelong relationships.


About the Author ()

Jay Hurt is the author of The 9 Tenets of a Successful Relationship-for Singles. Personal experience, a liberation through faith and an appreciation for his perspective led Jay to share his insight on relationships. Dealing with challenging topics by confronting them with faith and common sense, Jay aspires to share wisdom to help others become fulfilled and blessed in their relationships. Jay lives in Nashville, TN and has two daughters, Kristina and Jalen.

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