Looking Within

Filed in Relationships by on September 13, 2013 0 Comments

Every relationship has a foundation

The foundation of the relationship starts with two individuals who choose to be together. I have heard women say something to the effect of, “If I just had a man, everything would be okay” or “I would feel complete.”

I have to say, it’s difficult to believe that women in 2013 still believe a man completes them, but let me make it very clear—your spouse does not complete you. Your spouse only increases the awesomeness around you, but you must come to the relationship as a whole person from the outset. We have to make it a point to look inside ourselves and evaluate who we are and what we are bringing to the relationship.

Where are You?

I think many times we are unsure of where we are and what we want out of life. Preparing for your spouse is much easier when you know where you are in life. What that means is, you know where you currently stand with your health, finances, psychological being, self-esteem, mentality and spiritual being. You know what you want, need and truly desire out of life. This is crucial to the foundation of our relationships.

It’s also important to note, it’s not so much about what you have and what you do for a living as knowing where you are and why you are where you are life at this moment. I have had women tell me there is nothing less attractive than a man with a lack of ambition. If you’re floating through life with no destination in mind, you don’t have any ambition. You’re choosing to simply exist, you’re not living with a purpose. I won’t even go as far as to say that you must know your purpose, but you have to be working to discover your purpose. Bringing a confused person with no direction to a serious relationship only develops confused relationships—also with no direction.

Have a game plan, a set of goals, or a destination in mind.

Ladies like ambitious men. You don’t have to be trying to take over the world, but at least try to enjoy your little piece of it. Ladies, you have to come to the relationship with a strong sense of self, as well.

Gold line, powerful words

Knowing where you are in life is a strong step toward knowing who you are.

Who are You?

Who Are YouYou may be wondering why wasn’t this question the first subtopic? Because honestly, the way we find out who we are is looking at what we choose to follow. This is why there is a startling statistic recently published that only 27% of college graduates work in their major.

Many people go to school with the idea they will find out “who they are.” That’s an interesting perspective. We grow and mature quite a bit during our college years. That said, if we know who we are when we finish college, it would stand to reason more than 27% of graduates would know what they are best suited to do, and do it.

The truth is, to find out who you are, you have to look around you. Examine not so much what you do for a living, but what you do while you are living. Where do you spend your money? Where do you spend your time? Who do you spend your quality time with? Motivational speaker Jim Rohn says you are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.

This may sound a bit like not being introspective, but when you dig into it, it is exactly what introspection is.

Gold line, powerful words

Introspection is by definition the examination or observation of one’s own mental and emotional processes.

You have to think about where you spend your money, your time and who you spend your time with. When you have considered these things, you will find out some things about you which may not come to light without this type of exercise. Are you spending time and money doing things to better yourself? Are you spending time and money doing things which basically pass the time? Are you seeking out things which are fulfilling to you? Are you doing things which seem to pacify a need? Who you are is almost always reflective in what you do with your quality time. Be introspective and take stock of what you are doing to find out who is really inside.

Evaluate your mental being and what you spend your quality time doing and you’ll get a long way toward finding out who you are.

I am

“You complete me.” Tom Cruise said this famous line in Jerry Maguire, but that’s all it is—a famous line in a movie. You have to be complete the day BEFORE you say I do. You have to be complete before you start the relationship.

Completion is an oxymoron as it pertains to an individual’s evaluation for being ready for a relationship. Completion really means you’re incomplete on many levels, but you know what they are and you’re working toward them. You might be working on being a better Christian. You could be working on infidelity issues. You could be working on not procrastinating or being more caring and loving as a person. We are all imperfect. The completion exists when we know our imperfections, we are striving to get better and we are striving for something. Completion is not about what you do for me. Completion is about these thoughts: “I am–secure in myself.” I am—not having self-esteem issues.” “I am—not finding my self-worth in the presence of my mate, I’m worth just as much as all of God’s children.” “I am—a beautiful person, with a beautiful spirit, no matter what anyone else thinks of me.” “I am—ready and deserving of a great relationship and I contribute as much to the relationship as my partner does.” “I am—well aware I’m blessed to have my partner and my partner is just as blessed to have me.”

Healthy relationships require individual introspection before and throughout the relationship. We have to look at who we are as people before we get to the relationship and we have to maintain our individuality while adding the cohesiveness of a relationship. Early, honest introspection of ourselves helps to lay quality, solid foundations for long-lasting relationships.

 

Jay Hurt © 2013

 

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