Maybe a little push?

Filed in Relationships by on September 5, 2010 1 Comment

Don’t get in my kitchen because I have been away. It’s still all love, sometimes even writers have to take a moment away. I’m back now, so let’s get it poppin again…

A friend was discussing something with me a few days ago, and I want to discuss with you. She said, she’s a bit shy, and she’s still learning this “he’s pushing up on me, so how do I respond” thing. I’m not going to put her business in the street, but let me say she’s a beautiful woman, with a lot of great stuff going for her. She could have cats following her around like little puppies, if she so desired, but she’s still a bit rough around the edges on the early stages of courtship, which in many ways is a good thing. If you have ever played golf, you know people who have learned to swing a golf club wrong. I know mostly women read this blog, but even if you’re not a golfer and you get a free moment, google “Charles Barkley swings a golf club.” It’s hilarious! He has this learned trait of having this hesistation in his hideous golf swing. He learned to do it the wrong way. The same thing with talking to the opposite sex. If you learn bad behaviors, they are hard to change. My homegirl hasn’t learned bad behaviors, she just hasn’t learned any behaviors, so she tries to feel her way through the situation.

One of the biggest turnoffs for women is for a guy to send a pic of himself to her…especially too early in the relationship. Not the average pic, mind you…a more “intimate” -shall we say- picture. Naked pics of yourselves, my brothers, are quick ways to guarantee you get no more response from a woman. My friend had someone do this to her. She didn’t know how to respond. It’s not as though she knew this guy for months, or even weeks. She just met him! Now, she’s interested, but he’s trying to gamble on her being either (a) horny (b) promiscuous (c) intrigued by his self-perceived sexiness or (d) all of the above. There’s a chance he could catch the right girl that fits one of those criteria if he tosses that out there enough, but ladies–please understand–this is a “I’m going to throw this out there to see if it sticks” tactic. Basically, we realize sometimes we know what we want up front and we don’t want to work for it. If we can cut to the chase, and leave the option open in your mind that we are “interested” so to speak, all the better. Simply put, if a man wants you sexually, but doesn’t want to wait for it, he’s going to offer options up front and see if you accept or not. If you don’t accept, he will move on or he will continue to pursue, but with the exact same goal in mind. You have to show you are stronger than his will. Don’t give in, and in my opinion, don’t allow him to pursue you.

You are the guardian of your life, your spirit, your destiny. If someone doesn’t even respect you enough to play the game the right way, then what makes you think he will respect you when he gets closer to you, or when he entertains you sexually, or when he has your heart. The heart is deceitful. Listen to that instinct that says, “this isn’t right,” or “this doesn’t make sense.” Trust your intellect and not your want to have someone, or your need to be with someone. You’re much smarter than your heart would lead you to believe.

The name of the post is “maybe a little push.” I titled it that because at the beginning I mentioned that my homie is a bit shy. She feels like sometimes she meets guys who don’t lead the conversation toward going out with her, getting to know her, dating her, etc. That being the case, should she give a little push? I think you should leave the door open, if you are interested in a man who is pursuing you. You can say, “hey, it’s cool you like football…I love going to Cowboys games (sorry Titans fans).” That left an opening. The underlying theme is “I like going to games and I just told you that…so are you going to ask to take me to a game?” That’s fine as a slight push. Anything else is denying a man the opportunity to pursue his woman. Also, anything much more than that, and you deny yourself the opportunity to be attracted by his pursuit. It’s not necessarily about playing hard to get, but it is about him showing he’s working to “get” to know you. If he can’t lead in a courtship, what would make you think he can lead in a relationship or a marriage? Let him put in a little work. You’ll appreciate me for it later. Remember, no pushing, just a slight “open door.” If he’s doesn’t come through the door…slam it in his face and move on to the next one. You were spared his inept ability to pursue you appropriately and you helped him grow as he will realize he didn’t do something right, so he’ll be better in his next encounter.

One love, yall…

About the Author ()

Jay Hurt is the author of The 9 Tenets of a Successful Relationship-for Singles. Personal experience, a liberation through faith and an appreciation for his perspective led Jay to share his insight on relationships. Dealing with challenging topics by confronting them with faith and common sense, Jay aspires to share wisdom to help others become fulfilled and blessed in their relationships. Jay lives in Nashville, TN and has two daughters, Kristina and Jalen.

Comments (1)

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  1. Anonymous says:

    Good Advice!But next time post something for the ‘crazy girl’ in me that never listens and keeps making the same mistakes. I need help, can I hire you to be my life coach? To add balance to my foolishness?

    -Anonymous and Crazy

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