Powerful Words

Filed in Relationships by on July 24, 2013 0 Comments

One of the things I have learned as a writer is the power of words

Words highlight emotion. Words paint a picture. Words take on the character of the writer or speaker. If you have read a novel by Terry McMillan or a book about self-improvement by Tony Robbins or T.D. Jakes, you could often figure out the author within a few pages, simply by the words and phrases they use.

Gold apple, A word Fitly Spoken, Jay HurtWords in song lyrics are important for more than following the melody. Lyrics are important for providing color, context and clarity to the song. Whether in poetry or song, words resonate with us in so many more ways than simply providing a way to communicate.

Gold line, powerful wordsWords articulate what you want to say, how you want to say it and with the essence of what you are trying to get across to the listener.

Choose Wisely

I think it’s so important to consider how we use our words. You want to think about how you respond and how that response will be taken—especially in the context of a relationship.

I’ll be the first to admit, I would prefer to say the first thought that comes to my mind all of the time. That’s the easy way out. It’s so easy to have no filter. It is also a blatant lack of consideration for your mate. We have to be considerate of what we say and how we say it. We have to be cognizant of our choice of words before we allow them out of our mouths. Once they are out there, you can apologize for them, but you can’t take them back. They are out there…never to return. You won’t always get it right, but you will get it right a lot more often if you take a moment or a breath to consider what you are saying before you say it. It will come as a surprise how often you’re will be glad you took a moment to gather your thoughts before you construct a considerate respond.

We have to understand how important our choice of words is in our relationships. The way you choose to use words often shows how you feel about a person. You want your words to show you honor your man/woman. You want your words to clearly show respect for your man/woman. My choice of words is always reflective of my thought. If I say, “I appreciate you,” then my woman knows I’m crystal clear in what I’m saying. If my woman does something for me and I respond by saying “OK” that is not a synonym for “I appreciate you.”

Some of us (especially guys) get away with a lack of communication because women believe things like “he loves me, he just doesn’t show it by telling me; he shows it in other ways.” That might be true. There are four other love languages he can use to speak to you besides Words of Affirmation. Regardless of that fact, what woman doesn’t want to hear “I love you,” “I appreciate you,” or “Thank you?” Everyone should use the power of words to make those they care about realize what they mean to them.

Power in the Purpose

Everything we do has an underlying context. If we are asking a question, sometimes it’s to get an opinion, sometimes it’s to take a poll, sometimes it’s to assist in helping us make a decision and other times we ask a question to get someone to do something for us. There is context and purpose in everything we do. Purpose does not always equal motive, so I’m not saying context and purpose is always bad in speech, it’s not. What context really shows is a pathway to one’s purpose. Let me give an example.

I know a woman who was dating someone where the man would call when he wanted sex. To be clear, this was not a mutual understanding. She wanted more…much, much more. She was interested in getting to know him better. His likes, dislikes, his desires, his faith…she wanted to know all of that and a lot more.

Couple, powerful words, Jay HurtThe problem was that she allowed the context of his words to be taken out of context in their “relationship.” He would call and talk about mutual interests, etc. The conversation would be casual, but interesting to her, which led to them meeting at someone’s house and eventually sex. She was so frustrated with this situation. She felt he intimated things with her that said “relationship.” They would talk about where they would want to be in five years. They talked about how many children they would like to have and things of that nature. The thing they never discussed was the essence of the relationship, the definition of the relationship and the shared purpose of their relationship. All she ever got was words with empty context.

I started this story by saying context shows the pathway to one’s purpose. This should have been a classic case of this. The challenge is while the guy in this story was “intriguing and stimulating,” she didn’t put any context to her wants and desires. She didn’t use powerful words to find out where they started, where they stood and where they were going. He used his words to manipulate the context of the relationship, because he knew the only place he wanted to go with her was to bed. If she would have used the power of her words in the beginning, she would not have been confused and hurt in the end.

Thoughtful, Demonstrative and Dynamic

Your words are who you are. In some ways, they are your most powerful representation to the world, which means they are also your most powerful representation to your significant other. That said, words don’t mean much if there is not substance behind them. We have to start off with being thoughtful with what we say.

Gold line, powerful wordsThis means, consider someone’s feelings before you make a statement. Consider how you would feel if someone was making this statement about you. Often, the most important words are the words left unsaid. Think before you speak. Make the world a better place because of what you said and how you said it.

Be demonstrative with your words. You don’t have to be a wordsmith to still be able to demonstrate feeling, wants, needs or thoughts. If you’re in another room and you find your mate and tell them, “Honey, I love you,” without screaming or jumping up and down, you can be just as demonstrative as if you did either of those things. You don’t have to use big words or illustrious words. Simply allow your words and your way of saying things to demonstrate your thoughts and feelings.

I think there is a place for dynamic words in all of our lives. I like to use words like “incredible,” or “awesome,” or I can tone it down, yet still be dynamic like, “girl, you look good!” When you highlight how you feel about someone every now and then, they will appreciate the fact you notice. Dynamic words or phrases can be some of the most powerful words you use in a healthy relationship.

The fact is that words are powerful. God spoke the world into existence, only with His Words. “The Word” is what we use as a frame of reference to how we live our lives. Words express everything about us; who we are, what we do, how we feel, what we like and dislike, what we think, and finally what, who and how we love. Words are the most powerful tools we have in our lives. If we consider words thoughtfully, select them carefully and use them wisely, we can watch our greatest power released for all to see.

Jay Hurt © 2013

 

 

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