Real Life is Stranger than Fiction (or Reality Shows)

Filed in Uncategorized by on May 23, 2014 0 Comments

I have met some very interesting people who either needed coaching, wanted to ask my thoughts to help out a friend or just wanted to share a commentary on their own lives.  The situations we allow in our own lives are frustrating.  The challenges we face are truly stranger than fiction, because many of us have had to accept the brokenness of growing up in single parent and/or dysfunctional homes for much of our lives and repeating the process.  Here are a few things families have to be aware of as they are raising children who are at risk of repeating cycles of dysfunction:

More is Caught than Taught

We want our children to listen, but what they do more than listen is imitate.  In other words, more of what you do is caught than what you say to them is being taught.  They saw what their “normal” looked like growing up and they imitate it.  If their father was in the home, but had a woman on the side that everyone knew about but no one talked about, they develop the mindset that this is how a family operates.  If a daughter sees her Dad on occasion, but they see Mom working hard to make it happen, this is what they believe life is supposed to like.  On the flip side, if a son sees his father holding it down, but his mom is absent or dealing with addiction or some other debilitating situation, then the son is going to have a misguided connotation of what the role of a woman is in a relationship.  As parents, husbands and wives, we must be cognizant of what our children see, because what they see is often what they become.

What You Do Impacts More than Just You Aloneasian boy and quarreling parents

Unfortunately, there are many selfish people with children in our community.  I’m a relationship coach, so I am well aware that if a person isn’t happy and they are “faking happiness” for the good of their children, that won’t work either.  What we have to accept is that when we get married and take on the covenant of taking care of our wives and children, they now become more than just a duty—they are a part of our purpose.  Everything we do impacts them.  Everything.  Your happiness (and I’m talking to men specifically here) resides in serving your wife and children in love.  You should still have a purposeful and fulfilling life outside of your family, but whatever issues you have in the family must be worked out in your own home.  Not talking to a friend.  Not talking to another woman who is likely trying to get with you anyway.  Talk to your wife.  Resolve your marriage issues.  If that doesn’t work invest in the most important thing in your life (your relationship) and hire a marriage counselor or coach to help you through it.  If you allow your relationship to suffer, your children suffer and they DEFINITELY take it with them as they grow into new relationships.  Parents would be the best relationship coaches in the world, if they showed their kids the correct way to deal with the challenges, trials and victories in relationships.

Upset young couple sitting on bed separatelyDivorce is Not a Strategy for Conflict Resolution

Men and women should repeat this subtitle aloud.  Divorce…is not…a strategy…for conflict resolution.  Period.  Marriages can deteriorate over very small issues.  Those small issues lead to bigger issues.  Bigger issues lead to sleeping in separate bedrooms.  Before you know it, couples aren’t speaking and someone brings up the “D” word.  This is an unacceptable practice in society as a whole and it’s totally unacceptable in our community where only 31% of our children have a mother and father present in the home (according to data from the American Community Survey, a division of the U.S. Census).  Divorce is not a strategy for anything, it is an absolute with tremendous consequences for everyone involved.  When the drama starts, tell your mate “I’m staying, we’re not breaking up, now how are we going to work it out?”  When you take divorce away as an option, you will work to find peace and happiness in your lives, relationships and marriages.

Reality shows and fiction have nothing on real life challenges.  If you take the responsibility to work through the issues and not revisit the same issues constantly, you will make strides to change your family for generations to come.

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About the Author ()

Jay Hurt is the author of The 9 Tenets of a Successful Relationship-for Singles. Personal experience, a liberation through faith and an appreciation for his perspective led Jay to share his insight on relationships. Dealing with challenging topics by confronting them with faith and common sense, Jay aspires to share wisdom to help others become fulfilled and blessed in their relationships. Jay lives in Nashville, TN and has two daughters, Kristina and Jalen.

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