Relationship Builders: When to Let Go

Filed in Relationships by on October 11, 2013 0 Comments

When Is It Time To Let Go?

Wedding Rings, 9tenets.comAs a Relationship Coach, this is one of the topics which are not a lot of fun, but sometimes necessary. The harsh reality is that letting go of a relationship that no longer works is just as important as fighting for a relationship that is worth fighting for. The important thing to remember is that although a break up is never easy, if it’s best for you to do so, then it’s going to lead to something better down the road.

My book, The 9 Tenets of a Successful Relationship is full of situations where one of the characters in their particular relationship was not being treated appropriately, in one way or another. Some were lied to, some of the people were in relationships where they were cheated on and even others were cheated on and fully aware of it. None of this type of deception or manipulation is conducive to a healthy relationship. More importantly, it’s not very sensible in those situations to stay in the relationship.

We are creatures of habit. We become comfortable and we don’t care for change in many instances. We would rather deal with the same person over time even if that person is taking us for granted rather than contest the status quo.

There are instances of this type of behavior that can be overcome. Anyone who really wants to change and is dedicated to change can do so. This article is for those people who deal with people in relationships who are treating them with disrespect. They treat people as servants. In some cases, you find people in relationships that treat people with abusiveness and attacking one’s self-esteem. None of this makes for a healthy relationship. It also doesn’t make for a healthy individual.

If you are ever in a situation where someone is abusing you mentally, physically or psychologically, it’s time to leave.

Gold line, powerful words

There is no relationship worth having
where you trade-off your health or self-worth.


Exhaust all options before you leave a serious relationship or marriage. Spend the time, money and effort in counseling. Notice I didn’t recommend coaching at this point. Counseling with a therapist would be a better way to move forward in a relationship that heading toward closure if something doesn’t change.

The reason is that a therapist can work with an individual or couple to try to find what’s wrong through finding the underlying source of the issue. If you can work together to find this, then you could possibly fix the issue and save the relationship. Coaching doesn’t work in this instance because coaching addresses where you are now and how to move forward. Coaching works for challenging relationships, but not very often for last-ditch efforts.

The time to let go is when you have exhausted all options…and you are exhausted. Although I feel there are times where divorce is the only option, I believe marriages should have a pretty strong reason to dissolve.

Being a Christian writer, I would suggest following the examples from the Bible that authorize divorce. If you must get a divorce and you know it’s time to let go, do it respectfully of your spouse and honor your children in this difficult process. Divorce is difficult for you, so imagine how difficult it is for children who didn’t ask to re-learn what their idea of a family unit is.

Before you walk down the aisle, remember your relationship before marriage is really a time to be vetting this person. Make decisions on what you can and cannot live with. Whatever those requirements are, if they are important to you, stick to them and move on if your mate can’t meet them. The time to be selective and make tough relationship decisions is before you are married. Make good decisions on staying or letting go now, so the only option is to stay after you say I do.

Jay Hurt © 2013



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