Relationship Success: Protect and Serve

Filed in Relationships by on August 14, 2013 0 Comments

To have relationship success, you must protect and serve

Couple on beach, Jay Hurt RelationshipsThere are many times I have seen relationships where the woman felt like she didn’t feel secure. I think there is an instinct in many women to want to feel secure, not only in the context of the relationship, but to feel secure in their livelihood with their spouse.

I have heard financial guru Dave Ramsey say that women have a “security gene” that men just don’t have—and I think there is some truth to that. Women need to feel the man is securing the household–financially, emotionally, psychologically and physically.

Head of Household is more than a way of filing a tax return; it’s a state of being. Solidifying and being the cornerstone of the home is what women would like to have in their husbands. It’s not necessarily about who brings home the most income. It’s about who can position themselves as the foundation of the relationship. There will be tough times and trials throughout a marriage, but if there is security and a foundation within that relationship, it makes it a lot easier to make it through those tough times.

In the context of our relationships, security has two parts—protecting and serving.

Protect

Security is the state of being free from danger or threat. That can be interpreted quite literally or it can be perceived. If a man has been the provider for his family from the beginning, but never took it seriously, the wife will often perceive she is not secure in her family’s finances. It’s important to point out, it doesn’t matter if its imminent danger or she perceives the possibility of a problem arising, it’s all the same to her. She doesn’t feel protected.

Dictionary.com says the definition of protect is to defend or guard from attack, invasion, loss; cover or shield from injury or danger. If she perceives danger, right or wrong, she doesn’t feel protected. I italicized “right or wrong” because often men don’t get it. We don’t see the perceived danger. We don’t believe she’s right in her thinking.

Gentlemen, here’s the lesson in this article—it doesn’t matter what you think on this topic, you must make her feel protected. Many of us (men) live in the belief we know we can figure out a way to “make it happen” for us and our families as we go along. It may or may not be true, but the fact of the matter is, you want to keep your wife on your side. You want her to have your back and you want to keep her happy. She’s your wife; you love, honor and respect her… so you want to do what is in her best interest. It’s always in her best interest (and yours) to make her feel protected.

Specifically:

• Keep a financial reserve. At least 3 to 6 months for an emergency fund.
• You don’t have to be the family counselor, but be someone your wife can talk to when she needs someone to talk to.
• Sometimes, she simply needs a listening ear. Discern those moments; provide that ear without bias or opinion and she will appreciate you for it.
• Secure your home physically in as many ways as possible. Smoke detectors, carbon dioxide detectors, emergency shelters and reinforced doors and windows are some of the many ways to protect your home.

Also, be considerate about deciding where you want to live so your wife and family will feel safe. No neighborhood is 100% safe, but sometimes the best protection is just doing research and living in the safest area in which you both feel comfortable.

Finally, we want to be emotionally available to our wives. Being emotionally available is not being soft or less than a man.

Gold line, powerful wordsBeing emotionally available is being man enough to share our emotions with our wives.

Serve

I was sharing with my daughter this week that there are two ways to lead. We can lead by our power and authority or we can lead by service. If you are serving your wife, you are fulfilling the security gene.

In my book, “The 9 Tenets of a Successful Relationship,” I mention there was a time I didn’t want to cut the lawn during one of my relationships. I also talk about how I figured it out and eventually got myself on the right track. I decided if I was going to make her happy, I was going to have to get with the program, so to speak. I had to learn to serve.

In the relationship I previously referenced, it was not that I was against being of service, it was simply that I had decided to serve where and when I wanted to. That’s not service, that’s selfish. Service often requires sacrifice. I wasn’t willing to sacrifice. I had to give up my selfishness and discover what “acts of service” are truly about.

The epitome of service is:

• Being willing to serve when you don’t want to
• Being willing to serve when you’re not sure how to
• Being willing to serve even when you know you’ll have to sacrifice something to do so

It’s easy to do something when you have nothing to lose or there is no inconvenience for you.

ShGold line, powerful wordsow your wife not only how much you love her, but how much you care for her by serving her when it’s not convenient.

Christ had all of the power this world will ever know, but He didn’t lead by power, He led by service. Use His example to lead your household.

Protection and Service go hand in hand in relationships. Gentlemen, if you work at protecting and serving, you will be fulfilling the security she needs. By doing this, you will show how much you care. I often say love is a verb. Show her you love her by protecting and serving her with humility.

Jay Hurt © 2013

 

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